


Working Towards Forever

by hyuniebun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (quite a bit of it actually), (they say "fuck" a few times), (writing gets better at some point and then worse? idk?), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, New Year's Eve, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 08:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7632061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuniebun/pseuds/hyuniebun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yixing is back together with EXO for New Year's Eve and Baekhyun has been worrying over some things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Working Towards Forever

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this when ot9 spent new year's eve in china together and baekhyun did his lovely vapp then i abandoned it and recently came back to finish it ;__; i suck. yaaay. :D

He should be used to it by now. The constant "goodbye"s and the "hello"s. That even after months apart nothing really changes and yet every time just before he returns, before he greets any of them, he will prepare himself for the worst: that they have decided not to bother anymore, that they're angry or fed up, that they will be strangers. But it's never that way at all - almost anyway. Usually, it even overwhelms him just how much everything is the same, how he is immediately drawn back into their lives as if he had never left. Sometimes it makes him happy, sometimes it makes him wonder if maybe there just isn't that much of a difference between him being there or him being gone and despite his constant preparation for the worst, when things do end up having changed it always hits him full force; slaps him across the face and knocks the breath out of his lungs.

Yixing loves the members, loves them so fiercely, he sometimes isn't sure if it's love at all. Of course, his relationships to each of them are different and maybe some are more distant than others, but that is to be expected when nine different people are thrown into a group together. And he knows that things change - people especially - and develop and sometimes you grow apart or grow closer together. That's just the way it is, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less when things do fall apart, do become colder. Especially, if you weren't there to witness the moment it all went wrong, you weren't there to notice the first puzzle piece of your friendship changing its form and no longer fitting into place.

So it wasn't easy when he first realised that maybe not everybody was okay with his activities away from EXO, that not everybody understood that he never truly was away from EXO at all, but rather constantly dragging EXO along with him to push them into the light whenever the moment offered even the smallest of possibilities for him to do so. It hurt when warm hugs and loud "welcome"s turned into a cold slap to the back and a mumbled excuse to get away, but he couldn't do much about it. Especially, not with the little time he had that he wanted to make count: not for himself, not for the members, but for the fans.

It was difficult to ponder long on why things with Jongdae had changed, when he was rushed from airport to airport, car to car, backstage room to backstage room, even from hug to hug. There were only really a few things that had changed for the better - or at least flourished - even in Yixing's physical absence. One of these was his relationship to Sehun. The youngest had long expressed his desire to learn Mandarin and had recently started to show big improvements, seeking help and advice from Yixing himself. Every accomplishment he made, Yixing tried to praise in some way, to let him know that he not only appreciated the effort, but also acknowledged the hard work and determination. Sehun seemed to enjoy himself immensely and used his new skills to interact with Chinese fans, but he was still very unsure and a little too shy at times. Yixing tries to reassure him whenever he is around to witness such moments - however rare they are - and simply hopes the other members were there to encourage him enough to boost his confidence.

Another relationship that had continued to grow stronger despite the distance was that to Baekhyun. They would often send each other messages and Yixing feels endlessly grateful to the easy and undemanding nature of their conversations. Baekhyun would text him little encouragements and messages of support even without him saying anything and would often share silly anecdotes of his day. It was always meant to bring a smile to Yixing's face and it did. If Yixing is honest, the content doesn’t matter so much - although more times than not he does laugh out loud at them - but rather just reading Baekhyun’s name on his display is enough to make him feel a little lighter, a little happier. Baekhyun never minded if he didn't reply for a few days and simply continued sending short messages now and then. Yixing would always feel a little easier knowing he had his unwavering support and somebody that without really understanding his position, still somehow managed to understand and didn't question or criticise him for his decision.

So when he finally gets to see his members again for New Year's, he is surprised to hear that apparently things haven't been all that easy and well with Baekhyun lately. Minseok tells him not to worry too much, but that Baekhyun has been much more quiet behind closed doors recently and Junmyeon even warns him that he might be a little curt, but the moment he steps into Junmyeon's hotel room, he has an arm full of Baekhyun wearing just his bathing robe. The other boy is reluctant to let go of Yixing when the rest of the members are ready for their hugs and greetings. The whole evening he has Baekhyun stuck to his side and his laughter in his ears. He can’t find anything different about the boy, nothing quiet or curt; the same old happy whirlwind of a boy. If he wasn’t so hyper-aware of all his members after not having properly seen them for a long time, he most likely wouldn’t catch the looks some of them are sending Baekhyun as if they can't believe that he is being loud and affectionately draped all over Yixing.

Only when they decide to go to bed for the night and Baekhyun drags him to his hotel room, deciding that he should stay with him, does he realise something isn't quite right. They both get ready for bed in comforting silence with Baekhyun purposefully bumping into him now and then to send him little smiles and pull silly faces that have Yixing laughing happily. He always feels a little less guarded with Baekhyun by his side and even more carefree with just the two of them. It isn't intentional of him to feel as if he can't be completely at ease around all the members, but something just tells him to keep more of himself hidden away, to use his position as one of the older members as an excuse to be more reserved. It works out fine most of the time with everybody just assuming that his schedules simply wear him out now that he is shouldering almost all of their promotions in China - which in a way is part of it, too.

Baekhyun is done before him and already bundled up in the duvet when Yixing finally emerges from the bathroom. He naturally ignores the second bed - the pillow and duvet already placed next to Baekhyun - and slips into Baekhyun's. For a moment they just lay next to each other - the bedside lamp casting its dim light over them and neither moves to turn it off - until the younger boy suddenly turns towards him and moves impossibly close. Yixing instinctively reaches out and pulls him even closer, burying his nose in the recently dyed hair, but still smelling the familiar scent of Baekhyun under shampoo and chemicals. They have always fit well together, but with years of knowing each other their bodies easily align themselves without either of them having to adjust.

It is always easy with them, both reaching out to give at the same time and simultaneously learning to accept without question. Yixing never feels like he has to worry too much about stepping wrong because he isn't sure there really is a way to go wrong with Baekhyun, not when the other boy will simply turn to him with his eye smile and scrunched up nose, all teeth on display in his mouth stretched wide open by laughter. If anything, he learnt how to help the other boy draw lines for himself. When it comes to Yixing, Baekhyun quickly learns where to stop and where he can overstep without consequences. Over the years, those lines dissolved more and more while Baekhyun became better and better at reading them without having to ask.

Yixing is about to say something when the boy in his arms starts to shake a little, freezing Yixing in place. He holds his breath for a few heartbeats to make sure he isn't mistaken, when he hears a small sob escape the other boy. Yixing can't react, doesn't know how to. Even after more and more reservations broke away between them, seeing Baekhyun cry is still one of the rarest events - it practically never happens and when it does, it takes anyone around a good minute or two to realise it’s real and not just a silly antic. Baekhyun prefers to cry alone. So Yixing is caught off guard and it takes him a little while to catch up to what is happening.

Baekhyun begins to apologise vehemently and starts to part from their embrace, hiding his face in his pillow. The movement startles Yixing into action, pulling the younger close again and trying to make him understand that he’s here and that everything’s all right - hopefully anyway. It takes a while for Baekhyun to make a sound and Yixing almost wants to check if he fell asleep were it not for the quiet sniffling and the desperate attempts to hide his face further away from Yixing.

Yixing has hardly any experience with this, he’s seen Baekhyun upset and angry and sad, but actual tears he’s only witnessed maybe once or twice before. He feels out of his depth which is a feeling completely unknown to him when it comes to Baekhyun and it’s entirely unwelcome as well. But here he is and can't think of anything to say that feels right, so he simply holds tighter onto the younger boy and presses a kiss into his hair. That somehow seems to break Baekhyun out of whatever state he found himself in and he withdraws from their embrace a second time. This time however, he only moves away a few centimetres, putting some distance between them and furiously wiping at his eyes before finding Yixing's and holding his gaze. His eyes are puffy and red and Yixing feels his heart ache. He knows how heavy whatever is weighing on Baekhyun must be to make him break down like this. He himself doesn't like to cry in front of people, but it’s nowhere nearly something as private as it is for Baekhyun.

Yixing just wants to find some words, anything to make Baekhyun break into one of his brilliant smiles because while he doesn't hate seeing Baekhyun cry - simply because he could never hate Baekhyun allowing himself sharing any and all emotions with him - he actually does really hate seeing Baekhyun cry. A smile - especially one as beautiful as the younger boy's - is always more welcome in Yixing's mind. His train of thought is cut off, when Baekhyun moves closer again and softly presses his lips against Yixing's. There is something delicate and almost unsure about the kiss and he melts right into it, knowing how speak this kind of language and returning the light pressure. It almost feels as if Baekhyun is trying to reassure him instead of the other way around, as if he feels bad for putting Yixing in the position of seeing him cry. Knowing Baekhyun, that will definitely be something the younger will feel immediate guilt over because despite everything he always tries to play his role as their personal sunshine.

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

Their first kiss had been unexpected, but somehow also long overdue. Yixing was fascinated by Baekhyun after getting over his apprehension of the other boy watching him dance so intensely in the practice room. He turned out to be a person not entirely, but still opposite to Yixing's usual circle of friends and yet he had so easily fit into Yixing's life and heart that it didn't even matter that he was often too loud or tended to miss a brain-to-mouth filter - both traits that seemed to appear less and less with Yixing and over the years less and less in general.

Baekhyun was incredibly affectionate - even more so than Yixing - and didn't miss a chance to drape himself all over people. Everyone got used to it eventually and didn't even bat an eyelash when he pressed kisses to their cheeks, necks, shoulders and various other body parts or cuddled up to them whenever they were in reach. All of it was mostly subconscious on his part anyway and therefore would've been practically impossible to stop. Yixing always tried to convey that he didn't simply tolerate these affections, but that he honestly enjoyed them and he did this the only way he could think of: by returning and initiating. It rewarded him with endless amounts of skinship and proximity that he never grew tired off, only ever missed when the EXO-K and EXO-M schedules demanded them to part ways for a while.

It was after an especially long and exhausting promotion period during which the subgroups had been separated that the first sign of their skinship maybe being more occurred. Yixing was half asleep and basically carried out of the van and into their dormitories by Luhan and Minseok who dropped him onto his bed to fully give in to sleep. Something prevented him from actually doing so and he just couldn't figure out what it was, until the mattress dipped under a new weight and a familiar body pressed against his. All it took was a gentle kiss pressed to his sensitive neck - something only Baekhyun could do without making Yixing feel like he was going to die from how much it tickled him - followed by a soft demand to go to sleep and he was off to dreamland. The next few days they stayed glued to each others sides.

Yixing had started to take a liking to keeping a hand in one of Baekhyun's back pockets and sitting in between his legs during movie nights, so he could happily fall asleep with his head pillowed against Baekhyun's thighs. He craved his touch at all times and Baekhyun was more than willing to give it to him as long as he returned the favour. During one movie night, Yixing felt especially tired and wanted to excuse himself for the night, leaning over to Baekhyun to press a kiss to his cheek as usual when he somehow lost balance on his way to the other's face and ended up kissing the corner of Baekhyun's mouth instead. It didn't seem to register with either of them or at least Baekhyun just sent his usual smile Yixing's way and wished him a good night before going back to watching the movie. Yixing himself didn't really feel like anything was wrong with it and just sleepily smiled back before going to his room and falling asleep immediately - a content smile on his face.

The next morning he awoke as usual to Baekhyun wrapped up in his arms. Only this time when the other boy came to as well was he greeted not by being nuzzled - as real life puppy Byun Baekhyun liked to do because he could and knew Yixing enjoyed it - but by Baekhyun pressing their lips together before mumbling a greeting and rolling out of bed to brush his teeth. Yixing felt frozen, sadly not in the feeling of the warm kiss, but in the moment after when the warmth had left him and what had just occurred caught up with him and he realised he didn't need to contemplate what it meant. He simply got up and went after the other boy to go about his normal morning routine in the bathroom. They stood side by side in front of the mirror brushing their teeth, but something felt off to Yixing about the atmosphere. Baekhyun seemed calm and pliant as he usually was in the mornings, but when he experimentally leaned into him bumping their arms together, the other seemed hesitant to return the contact - in fact ignoring it almost completely.

Yixing tried not to read too much into it and willed himself to finish his routine as normal. Only when Baekhyun seemed to exude a sort of nervous energy that wafted over him in waves with every movement the younger made, did he decide to put a clear stop to this. Grabbing Baekhyun’s elbow, making him drop the hairbrush in hand and let out a surprised yelp, he maneuvered him to sit on the edge of the bathtub before dropping to his knees in between Baekhyun’s legs and looking up at him, hoping his expression was reassuring as well as determined. He turned both of Baekhyun's hands palm up and brought them to his lips, pressing a soft but firm kiss into each while never breaking eye contact. Yixing laced their fingers and squeezed them tightly before letting go again and slowly stroking his hands over Baekhyun's thighs and up his arms to rest on his cheeks. He brushed away a few hairs that had fallen into the other's face and gently traced his fingers over the delicate features.

Baekhyun was beautiful: his pink lips - even softer than they looked - his round, small nose that he had pressed countless kisses on and loved to bump his own against, his lovely shaped eyes that always drew him in, just his whole face in general and every single expression Yixing knew he could pull his features into. Baekhyun had closed his eyes under the intense studying of his face and Yixing went back to cupping it in his hands, reaching one hand around and softly tugging at the hairs at his nape. Baekhyun slowly opened his eyes and immediately focused them on Yixing again. He pulled Baekhyun's face towards his own and with one last determined look into his eyes, pressed his lips against the other boy's.

This time it lasted longer for neither of them pulled away. Yixing parted his lips slightly - almost subconsciously - and he was about to start panicking over the outcome of his momentary lack of self-control, but Baekhyun, too, parted his lips, moving them more freely against Yixing's. Neither of them seemed to dare to take it further, just sharing open-mouthed kisses that grew in intensity. Baekhyun placed his hands on Yixing's shoulders, slowly sliding down into Yixing's lap and changing the angle of their kiss. Yixing’s hands moved on their own accord around Baekhyun’s waits, holding him close and pressing his body closer. Yixing could feel every part of Baekhyun, just like during their hugs or cuddles, only this felt so much more intimate - more important - almost as if only this way he could reassure himself that Baekhyun was real.

Eventually the other boy broke the kiss and a huge smile appeared on his face, making the corners of his eyes crinkle in that beautiful way that always took Yixing's breath away. Before Baekhyun got off him, he pressed a small kiss against his lips. It was so soft, Yixing almost didn't feel it with his lips throbbing from their prior kisses, but it still registered somewhere in his mind - or possibly heart - and felt much more significant than any of the other kisses. Without thinking, he reached out and held onto Baekhyun's arm. He stared at the white tiles on the wall for a while before looking up at Baekhyun and his face must've looked ridiculous because Baekhyun broke out into his low laughter that always rumbled through Yixing's body and warmed something deep within, as if the sun had made its home inside of him. Baekhyun leaned down and pressed a kiss against his nose before extracting his arm from Yixing's grip and bounding out of the bathroom.

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

When Baekhyun pulls back, Yixing knows he’s possibly about to make a mistake - or maybe there simply is no way not to make a mistake in this moment. If he lets it go and allows Baekhyun to turn back to his cheery self - probably making up a silly excuse or telling Yixing a joke that will have them both laughing and lead to other conversations - he will have ignored an important moment in their relationship and regret his own cowardice to face whatever sadness Baekhyun held inside of him. If he decides to acknowledge it, he might get it all completely wrong and make Baekhyun distance himself, he might say the wrong thing, handle it the wrong way, just wrong, wrong, wrong. But Yixing can't not try. Baekhyun cried. In front of him. Byun Baekhyun doesn't cry in front of people. Only if things get too much. So Yixing is about to make that mistake and take the leap.

Baekhyun's eyes were resolutely staring at Yixing's chin, nose, cheek, anywhere but his eyes and now that the younger man is finally making eye contact it’s a little overwhelming. Yixing became pretty good at reading Baekhyun's face, knows the lines of his face so well and seeing it this close, he can notice every change. Baekhyun is willing him to let it go. Yixing can see it in the way his eyes are intently focused on his own, his jaw is slightly set and his nostrils widen in controlled breaths, but there is also something else visible in Baekhyun's face that Yixing can't quite place: something about the softness around his eyes despite the determined stare, the way the corners of his lips are slightly pulled upwards to seem reassuring yet quiver and how every inhale and exhale is too obviously measured.

"I love you." There it is: the attempt to derail, to ignore what is going on. The words are spoken so softly, so sincerely, just like Baekhyun always says them, his voice only slightly louder than a whisper so the words will only reach Yixing's ears because they are only for him to hear and nobody else. However, with the words come tears again, but this time Baekhyun doesn't hide away, his face holding the same expression that tells Yixing to leave it, but simultaneously seems to ask him to push forward. So he slowly reaches out towards Baekhyun's face and wipes away the tears. "I'm here. I'm here." He repeats it like a mantra while softly tracing the lines of Baekhyun's face with the tips of his fingers.

For a while that is all he can think of doing; letting Baekhyun cry while he holds his gaze and whispers the two words over and over again. Slowly, the tears stop rolling and only dry sobs and small whimpers escape Baekhyun's throat. Yixing leans forward, pressing a kiss to each of Baekhyun's eyelids and combing a hand through the boy's hair. "Talk to me, please." Baekhyun's eyebrows draw together, nose slightly scrunching up and mouth pulling into a frown. Yixing knows he’s trying hard to make a decision, but Yixing has already decided on what’s going to happen next. "Baekhyun." His tone the most gentle warning he can muster.

Baekhyun closes his eyes, inhaling deeply and nodding - lips a thin line. When he opens his eyes again, his whole face relaxes into a less apprehensive look, but the slight fear taking its place, makes Yixing's heart ache. "It's all just a little too much, you know." Yixing does know because he feels the same, knows the ever-present longing in his heart while being away from each other for so long, knows how much Baekhyun is shouldering without anyone seemingly acknowledging it, knows the fear and stress and worries Baekhyun is carrying in his heart about their future as EXO as well as their future as Baekhyun and Yixing, Yixing and Baekhyun. He knows it all, even though they don’t speak about it a lot, and yet he feels like he knows nothing at all because the most important thing seems to simply escape his knowledge: how to make it all a little easier for Baekhyun.

Yixing tries to convey at least his understanding to the younger, pulling him as close as possible, one arm tightly wrapping around him. "You're allowed to feel exhausted. You're allowed to take a break. You're allowed to be upset. You're allowed to just not be okay and you're allowed to make it known to other people. Sadness is not a weakness and crying isn't a failure." It’s the best he could do and it triggers another burst of tears from Baekhyun. The younger extracts himself from Yixing's tight embrace once again, only to push him onto his back and climb on top of him, pressing kisses over his whole face before settling on his lips.

They both open their mouths almost simultaneously, Baekhyun's tongue chasing his own. Yixing can taste the saltiness of Baekhyun's tears in every corner of his mouth, but he doesn't mind so much when Baekhyun momentarily breaks away to lean down to his ear. "You should use that in a song." The younger goes back to slotting their lips together, giggling into the kiss a little, and Yixing knows that’s his way of putting a clear stop to the moment. The hands that are slowly moving under his shirt signal that Baekhyun is about to say thank you in the way he'll feel least exposed and Yixing mentally prepares for a possible fuck-up on his part.

He turns them over, deepening their kiss, softly cradling Baekhyun’s face with one hand and grasping both his wrists above his head. Yixing pulls away from the kiss, looking down at Baekhyun who is smirking up at him, a glint in his eyes - still red and watery. “I’m not letting it go this easily, Baek. Not today.” He hopes his voice sounds gentle enough, but still remaining firm. Baekhyun’s smirk slips off his face and he’s staring up at Yixing, studying his face. It doesn’t take long for the tears to well up once again, rolling over his cheeks and dropping down his chin. Yixing lets go of Baekhyun’s wrists to gentle wipe them away, running his other hand through the younger’s hair and pressing small kisses against his lips.

Baekhyun says something, rushing and mumbling - eyes shut tightly - and Yixing leans closer, hoping he might catch the words out of thin air. “What was that?” Baekhyun inhales deeply, keeping his eyes closed and repeats his words as quietly as possible. “I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared of loving you more. I’m scared of asking you to stay. I’m…just so scared.” Yixing didn’t expect that, isn’t prepared for this. He gets off Baekhyun and the younger boy lets out a desperate sob, scrambling up and throwing himself at Yixing. “I’m sorry. I…I…didn’t mean it. Don’t leave me, don’t leave me. Please.”

It hurts. Baekhyun’s elbows are jabbing into his sides, his knees digging into his thighs and his fingers holding tightly onto his shirt - skin caught as well. The sobbing in his ear rips into his heart. Yixing carefully lifts Baekhyun properly onto his lap and starts stroking and drawing patterns onto the younger’s back. “Sh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m here. I love you.” Yixing whispers reassurances into Baekhyun’s ear, hoping to calm him down while simultaneously trying to figure out what to do with Baekhyun’s confession.

After a while, Baekhyun’s hold on him starts loosening and Yixing leans back, trying to catch the other’s eyes, but Baekhyun follows his movement and he loses his balance - falling backwards flat on the bed, Baekhyun on top of him. The air is knocked out him and Baekhyun climbs off him in a haste, sputtering apologies and Yixing starts laughing - a hiccuping laugh that leaves him breathless and brings tears to his eyes. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know, just doesn’t know. Slowly, his laughter ceases and turns into sobs, there’s wetness on his face and wait, now he’s crying, right?

Baekhyun is looking at him with a terrible expression on his face, more vulnerable than Yixing has ever seen him - so raw and open and full of pain. Yixing sits up, everything is blurry and he can’t stop crying and he’s so exhausted and he just wants Baekhyun. Wants him so much, needs him, loves him, is so afraid because they’ve fought and had bad days, but this is serious, this is so serious and he can’t fuck this up, he can’t lose Baekhyun like this, he can’t. He can’t. He needs him so much, wants him, loves him, is so desperate to hold him, but this is serious, this is so serious and he can’t fuck up, he can’t ever let go of Baekhyun, he can’t. He can’t. He loves him so much, wants him, needs him, is so helpless right now, but this is serious, this is so serious and he can’t fuck this up, he can’t imagine life without Baekhyun, he can’t. He can’t.

Baekhyun has his arms around him, he’s lying down curled up with Baekhyun wrapped around him, pressing kisses over his face and whispering “I love you”s and this is not how it should be going, but Baekhyun is reassuring him, saying it’s all right, saying everything will be fine, apologising and no, this is definitely not how it should be going, but he is so tired and all he wants is to sleep in Baekhyun’s arms and wake up in Baekhyun’s arms and and and

****************

Yixing wakes up. For a moment he isn’t sure where he is, but there’s a familiar scent in his nose and arms wrapped around him - arms he knows, arms that have been wrapped around him countless times - and the sound of breathing he’s stayed up countless nights listening to, studying it and engraving it in his mind like a song he’s going to perform. It’s all Baekhyun, everywhere around him and he inhales deeply, cuddling closer into the warmth.

The younger boy stirs at his movement and Yixing is pressed closer to him - seemingly trying to hold onto sleep a little longer. He holds his breath, hoping the other might go back to sleep, but then the hold slackens and the even breathing becomes a little erratic before turning back to a steady pace. “‘Morning.” Baekhyun places a soft kiss on Yixing’s head, but doesn’t move away from him and Yixing let’s go of his breath.

For a while, they just lay in each other’s arms, Baekhyun playing with the hair’s at Yixing’s nape and Yixing lazily drawing patterns on Baekhyun’s back. It feels like any other morning to a day with no schedule, but he knows it’s not, can’t really be like any other - not after last night. He clears his throat a few times, reluctant to properly break the sweet atmosphere. “What…what happened?” Baekhyun backs away slightly to look him in the eyes, smiling his soft smile at him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips before turning serious. “You had a panic attack. It hasn’t happened for a long time, I’m sorry.”

Yixing can’t believe Baekhyun would take the blame for that, but of course he would. Yixing swallows his own guilt down - this isn’t the moment for it - and shakes his head. “You did nothing wrong. I’m the one that’s sorry. There are so many things I didn’t say that I need to say and I-“ Baekhyun interrupts him, kissing him again - so achingly soft it leaves Yixing more out of breath than any make-out session ever could - and bumps their noses together. “You said it all.” Yixing looks at him in bewilderment because he’s pretty sure he only thought all of the things he wanted to say and oh, the panic attack. He probably said all of his thoughts out loud. He starts giggling, hiding his face in Baekhyun’s neck to calm down.

Baekhyun shivers at the breath and vibrations - his sensitive neck experiencing too many stimulations - and Yixing rolls them over a little, starting to nip at the sensitive area. Baekhyun bends his head back a little out of reflex and Yixing throws a leg over his waits, sliding further onto him. He slowly starts dragging a hand up Baekhyun's leg, resting it on his thigh and squeezing a little before letting it rest on his hip - fingers splayed out. The way Baekhyun hums in response to his touch encourages him in his ministrations and he kisses his way up Baekhyun’s throat, licking a stripe up over his chin and hovering over his lips. It makes Baekhyun giggle - just as Yixing had anticipated - and he swallows he sound with his mouth.

They kiss and kiss and kiss and whenever Yixing tries to increase the pace or fervour of it, Baekhyun’s tongue seems to turn heavier and his lips start working softer, more languidly against his. When he drags his fingers away from Baekhyun’s hip - a little sideways - towards his lap, the younger breaks their kiss completely, shuffling away from the touch and looking at Yixing through his eyelashes - completely innocent. Yixing shakes his head fondly, smiling at him, and takes in the sight in front of him: Baekhyun’s lips are kiss-swollen and oh-so-red, his eyes look so tired and yet they are incredibly warm - full of deep, deep love that Yixing wants to drown in and yet sometimes overwhelms - and his body is soft and pliant beneath him.

Baekhyun is completely vulnerable to him and even so in total control of the situation; a testimony to his limitless trust - something Yixing is still working on to achieve for Baekhyun, for himself - and the hold he has over Yixing. Baekhyun suddenly looks so serious: his forehead wrinkled, lips pursed, eyes steady and determined. “I’m sorry for doubting you. I’m sorry for letting my insecurities get the best of me and allowing myself to be influenced by others.” Yixing reaches out to gently stroke his cheek, his movements slow and measured to allow Baekhyun to deny his affections. He returns the younger’s steady gaze and can’t help a small smile slipping onto his face. “Let’s work on that together, eh? It’ll take time, but we’ll figure it out.”

Yixing leans over Baekhyun to kiss him softly, wanting to reassure him as much as possible. “Step 1. Talk! Talk to me about your doubts and worries, hm?” He runs his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair, gently digging his fingers in a little here and there to massage his scalp. “And I promise not label them as ridiculous or let them affect me negatively.” Baekhyun seems ready to protest, so he silences him with another kiss and continues his little massage. “I know, I know. _Your_ worries, _your_ doubts. But your pain, also affects me and I want you to help you. Just like you always shoulder all of my pain.” Yixing brushes his nose against Baekhyun’s and slides his hand out of the his hair, slipping it into the younger’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “Together. But I can’t promise forever if we’re not going to work for it.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen and his mouth opens and closes a few times before hanging open slightly. Yixing suppresses a laugh, proud of himself for rendering Byun Baekhyun speechless - not that he’s entirely new to that, he has his ways. Baekhyun blinks a few times before a brilliant smile takes over his face - crinkly eyes and all - and he surges forward, his mouth landing half on Yixing’s lips and half on his chin. He’s pushed back onto the mattress and Baekhyun climbs on top of him, straddling him and cocking his head slightly - a glint in his eyes. “You know I’m a hard worker if I want something.” The kiss is messy - teeth clashing and laughter turning them imprecise - but it’s them and Yixing wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

 

 

_**I love you.** Lips nipping at his ear._   
_**I love you, too.** Hands touching everywhere._   
_**Forever?** An exaggerated wink._   
_**Let’s make it work.** A teasing nudge._   
_**Forever?** Stilling lips, serious eyes._   
_**I promise.** Gentle hands, sincere eyes._

**Author's Note:**

> shittiest summary ever! what are titles? somebody teach me pls :( also it's unbeta-ed, sorry for any mistakes :/ lastly, i'm glad xingdae is on the rise again and they seem to have worked through some stuff!!!!


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